Grace to Let Go of New Year's Resolutions

You probably did not feel like welcoming in this New Year, and that is completely understandable. The passage of time can feel particularly heavy when you are navigating the profound sense of loss that accompanies grief. Whether it is your first year, your fifth year, or even your tenth year since that momentous event that changed your life, each New Year can serve as a stark reminder that another year has passed without your loved one. It is a poignant marker of time, and it can bring with it a flood of emotions that are difficult to process. Take a deep breath and allow that to sink in for you; let the reality of your feelings wash over you. Do not brush it away or try to dismiss it as unimportant. It is vital to acknowledge the weight of what you are experiencing. Celebrate in silence or out loud, in whatever way feels right for you. I know you don't feel much like celebrating, and that is perfectly okay. This moment is not about the passing of another year; instead, it is about recognizing and honoring another year of survival. YOU did it. You navigated through the heartache, the sorrow, and the moments when the world felt unbearably heavy. You allowed yourself to lean on others when you needed support, to crawl under the covers when the outside world felt too overwhelming, or to stare blankly out the window as you processed your thoughts and emotions. But through it all, you survived. You have shown resilience in the face of adversity, and that is something to acknowledge and appreciate. As you witness others celebrating in ways that may feel incomprehensible to your heart right now, keep in mind that you are also involuntarily involved in the creation of resolutions, goals, and expectations for the year ahead. It can feel overwhelming to be surrounded by the fervor of new beginnings when your own heart is still healing. Now is not the time to add that pressure and stress to your life; it is not necessary to feel compelled to set resolutions that may feel unattainable or burdensome. Please do not feel that resolutions are essential; instead, focus on what you need in this moment. Allow yourself the grace to simply be, without the added weight of expectations, and give yourself permission to honor your journey, wherever it may lead you. Embrace this time as a period of reflection, self-care, and healing as you continue to navigate the complexities of your grief.

A resolution is defined as "a firm decision to do or not to do something," a phrase that carries with it a weight of significance and intent. However, when it comes to the experience of grieving, the only thing that feels truly firm about it is the overwhelming reality that it sucks, plain and simple. Grief is a complex and often tumultuous journey that can feel like an unpredictable rollercoaster of emotions, with peaks of sadness and valleys of despair that can leave one feeling utterly drained. The word "resolution" itself is a strong term, imbued with a sense of determination and finality, and it has been given so much power in shaping how we navigate our lives once we vocalize our intentions. This power, however, is largely invisible. It exists in the realm of our thoughts and feelings, influencing our actions and decisions in ways that can be both empowering and daunting. Essentially, a resolution can be viewed as a plan—something we create in hopes of guiding us through the murky waters of our grief. Yet, it is crucial to remember that plans are not set in stone; they can be cancelled, postponed, and changed as you need them to be. Life does not follow a linear path, especially in the face of loss, and our understanding of this sorrowful truth is what brought us here in the first place. As we grapple with our emotions, we may find that our resolutions shift and evolve, reflecting our changing needs and circumstances. One day, we might feel ready to take a step forward, to honor our loved one’s memory by engaging in activities that bring us joy. Other days, we may need to retreat into ourselves, allowing space for reflection and healing. This ebb and flow is a natural part of the grieving process, reminding us that it is okay to adjust our plans as we navigate through our sorrow. In recognizing the fluidity of our resolutions, we grant ourselves permission to grieve authentically and to honor our feelings without judgment. It is essential to acknowledge that grief is not a linear process; it is a winding road filled with unexpected turns and detours. Embracing this reality allows us to approach our resolutions with compassion and understanding, knowing that it is perfectly acceptable to change course when necessary. Ultimately, the journey through grief is deeply personal, and our resolutions should reflect our unique experiences and emotional landscapes as we move forward in life.

This year, let go of the traditional concept of New Year’s resolutions that often come with a sense of obligation and pressure to achieve unattainable goals. Instead, focus on embracing your grief, recognizing it as a natural and essential part of your journey. When setting small plans or goals, allow them to be gentle and reflective of your current emotional state. It’s important to acknowledge that these goals do not have to be monumental; they can be as simple as taking a walk in nature, journaling your thoughts, or connecting with a friend. Each small step you take is significant and deserves recognition. As you work towards these plans or goals, remember to celebrate yourself wholeheartedly when you accomplish them, no matter how minor they may seem. This celebration can take many forms, whether it’s treating yourself to your favorite dessert, taking time for a relaxing bath, or simply pausing to acknowledge your efforts and achievements. Celebrating these moments fosters a sense of self-worth and reinforces the positive changes you are making in your life. Equally important is the concept of grace. Be prepared to allow yourself the grace to not meet every goal you set. Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes our emotional state may hinder our ability to follow through. In these moments, instead of feeling disappointed or defeated, give yourself permission to celebrate the grace you’ve shown yourself.

Acknowledge that it’s okay to have days when you don’t feel up to the task, and that self-compassion is a powerful tool for healing. This act of giving yourself grace is not a sign of weakness; rather, it is a testament to your strength and resilience. Your overarching plan for the year may simply be to embrace your grief and navigate your way through it. This journey is deeply personal and can take time, but it is also incredibly rewarding. As you remove the pressure of rigid expectations, you will likely find that you feel a newfound sense of freedom and relief. This mental space can create room for your plans and goals to grow organically, allowing them to evolve in ways that are authentic to you. In this process, prioritizing self-care is paramount. Take the time to nurture your body and mind, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand your journey. Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it is a necessity. By doing so, you will cultivate a healthier relationship with your grief and be better equipped to face the challenges that lie ahead. Ultimately, this year is about honoring your emotional landscape while allowing yourself the grace to grow and heal at your own pace.